Someone said this to me today and I just had to write it down. “Sometimes I think the more one searches, the farther away you get…..”

I have some goals for my life. Things I need to do to be truly happy. First, I’ve taken the steps I need to take to lose some weight that has crept up on me lately. I am involved with a group of people who have set this same goal for themselves. I think in order to reach my other goals of love, companionship, finding some place that really feels like home, etc. I have to do this for myself because if I’m not happy with myself or the way I look then I won’t ever be ready for the rest.

‘To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did.’

When God takes something from your grasp, He’s not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better.

‘The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.’

I’m sitting here watching The Bachelor and wondering how many times do we let the right one go for someone more exciting, beautiful, skinnier and end up getting our own hearts broken in the end? 

I bet it happens more than we might think.  So many people are hung up on the outside, wanting the one that’s sexier than their friends girlfriends, looks better in society and so on.  

FOLLOW YOUR HEART NO MATTER WHAT!  You don’t owe anyone anything, not a career, not a trip, not a car, house NOTHING.  But you owe yourself happiness.   Don’t make the mistake that Jason made on the show.   Do it for you, do it for me,  just do it.   He couldn’t stop thinking about Molly no matter how hard he tried no matter who he was with or what he was doing.  He tried to stay engaged and make it work but but couldn’t.  Love shouldn’t have to be “made to work”,  it just happens.  I totally know that you have to work at relationships I get that but that’s not what I’m talking about.  I can’t keep from thinking about you.   There it’s out there, I’ve finally said it.   You can’t change fate, I totally believe that.  You can put up roadblocks and obsticles but you can’t change what’s meant to be you can just bury it and be miserable and regret your choices.  

If you’re here reading this then you know too otherwise you wouldn’t be here.  If you’re not here then at least I got this off my chest.  I’ll never know one way or the other if you were here.

 I’m going to repeat what I wrote before which is what happens when I try to love someone else.

Happy Birthday Grandpa.  November 4, 2008 nearly 4 months have passed and  I still miss you and think about you every single day.

They say that God never closes one door without opening anohter.  He took away the most important man in my life.  Someone who was the closest thing to a father that I ever had.  Maybe, just maybe (finger, toes, arms and legs crossed) he’s ready to give me the man of my dreams.  Not as a replacement or substitute (no one could ever replace Grandpa) but as a life partner.